Is my man gay?

Being involved with a man living on the down low must be a woman's greatest fear; or certainly something she wouldn't believe could happen.

Unfortunately in Barbados, as elsewhere, it is not uncommon for men who are in a public relationship with a woman to be having discreet sexual relations with other men.

Although there is a growing tolerance for homosexuality, it is still not widely socially acceptable in Barbados. So, many men and women hide their sexual preference to maintain the status quo. Having a girlfriend is one way a gay man may try to keep a "straight image".

Sadly, this can have dire consequences if he fulfils his gay desires outside the relationship; for instance, his female partner may be unknowingly exposed to sexually transmitted diseases if her cheating boyfriend doesn't use adequate protection.

So, how can you tell if your man's gay?

According to a young homosexual interviewed by the SATURDAY SUN, there are quite a few tell-tale signs, including those that would be considered clichés. These are:

* He cries at movies.

* He glances at men when they pass, especially the attractive ones.

* He has no qualms expressing, or even gushing, about how attractive another man is.

* He prefers anal over vaginal sex with you.

* He has an intense interest in fashion and dresses very fashionably; is well groomed and is a little too knowledgeable about different brand names.

* He consistently compliments women about their clothes, hair and shoes, as opposed to their face and body.

* He makes a lot of flamboyant gestures with his hands when he talks.

* He brags about how many gays think he is attractive.

* He likes to watch or is turned on by gay porn.

* He has a lot of homosexual friends.

* When you ask him if he's gay, he responds evasively as opposed to denying it.

These guidelines probably do apply to many men on the down low – especially the last three – but clinical psychologist Dr Marcus Lashley was quick to shoot down all of them.

"There is no absolute way to determine someone's sexuality," he said in a telephone interview.

He insisted there was no set criteria or prototype for the gay man and one could only judge on an individual basis.

According to Lashley, a man might display these traits because of his upbringing and cultural background, but not because of his sexuality.

For instance, the well-groomed, fashionable man might be "metrosexual" – American slang referring to a heterosexual who spends a great deal of time and money on his appearance.

Even the man who goes on about how sexy another man is may be expressing what he subconsciously wants for himself; in other words, he's probably wishing he had six-pack abs like his object of admiration.

Seeing that there may be no real criteria that applies to all men on the down-low, your instincts may be your best "gaydar".

So what do you do if you think your man is gay?

Make sure you're listening to your intuition and not your paranoid fears. You need to ask yourself if you really think he's gay or if you are subconsciously sabotaging your relationship.

Take a moment to meditate on this before you make any drastic decisions.

by GINA AIMEY-MOSS
ginaaimeymoss@nationnews.com
http://www.cwc2007publications.com/